Out of the Closet

Out of the Closet

All the persons, names, places and events depicted in

Jan's stories are fictional.

Any resemblance to actual events, persons or locations is purely coincidental.

© 2005

“How did a game of Trivial Pursuit turn into Truth of Dare?” Libby sat back on the sofa and stared up at the ceiling, refusing to look at the woman who was seated on the floor on the other side of the coffee table.

“Why don’t you want to answer my question?” Sandra asked. She idly played with her game piece while waiting for her reticent friend to answer. “It’s not like I’m going to go around telling everyone if you had kissed a girl before.”

Libby lowered her gaze and glared. “Why would you even ask me that question? “ she demanded.

“Look. Don’t be mad. It’s just that this MTV music award question made me wonder if it’s really such a big deal. I didn’t mean for you to go all ballistic on me like that.”

“Well I sure didn’t expect the question, either.” She took a moment to calm down and then an idea occurred to her. “Sandra, why would you wonder if it’s a big deal?”

Sandra began to squirm under the frank stare Libby directed her way. She turned six shades of red, each one deeper than the other.

“Sandra?”

“It’s ‘cause – Oh, nevermind.”

“Fine.”

After a few moments of silence, Libby leaned forward over the coffee table and asked, “So, what was it like?”

“I thought we weren’t talking about this.”

“You have kissed a girl!” Libby slapped the table and made the game pieces jump off the board.

Startled, Sandra blurted out, “It didn’t count. It was my best friend and I was only seven years old.”

Libby smirked at having turned the tables on her friend. “Isn’t that a little young? I didn’t know you could rob the cradle while you were still in it.” She started snickering at her own joke.

“It wasn’t like that. Listen.” Exasperated, she blew out a puff of air before continuing her explanation. Sally and I were in second grade. We were playing “rescue the princess” with her five year old brother.”

“Her brother was the princess? Ha! I knew it was kinky!”

This time Sandra slapped the table. “Are you going to listen or not!”

“Okay, okay. Geez. The three of you were playing princess, and?”

“Rescue the princess,” Sandra corrected. “Sally was the princess. She was really pretty and always wore nice clothes to school. She long dark braids and dimples.”

“Sounds irresistible.” When Libby caught the look that Sandra shot her, she zipped her lips then waved her hand for Sandra to continue.

“Okay. Well, her little brother was the evil king who locked her up in the dungeon. That was her bedroom closet. I was the handsome prince who was supposed to rescue her. Don’t you raise your eyebrow at me. I was seven years old, for Chrissake! If her little brother could be the king, I could be the handsome prince.”

“Can I ask you one question?” Sandra nodded. “Whose idea was this game?”

“Sally’s. Why?”

“”Cause it sounds like your little schoolmate had the hots for you,” Libby teased.

“Don’t be stupid. We were fuckin’ seven-year-olds.”

“Apparently.”

“That’s not what I mean and you know it. God! You can be so infuriating sometimes!”

“I’m sorry. Although I have no idea why. You started this, you know.”

“Yeah, and already I’m regretting it. I could have stayed at home and picked fleas off my dog and had a better time.” Sandra saw the flash of regret on Libby’s face and waited to see what her friend would say.”

“I’ll be good,” Libby finally said. Please tell me your story.”

Sandra frowned and wondered if she should bother. Actually the more she related of the story, the more afraid she was of what Libby would think of her.

Memories of the Saturday afternoon so long ago came back to her as she related her tale. She wondered at her own innocence back then when, as the handsome prince, she’d opened the closet door and found Sally sitting in there smiling up at her from the floor where she rested against the closet wall.

Sandra knelt down beside her and unknotted the knee-high socks that Chris, Sally’s brother, had used to tie her hands. She remembered the scent of Sally’s hair, her clothes, and Sally tugging her forward as she sighed, “My prince!” Then Sally kissed me! Chris started singing, “Sally and Sandra, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G.” Sally told her little brother to shut up and go play in the basement. Sandra stared at the precocious seven year-old who had just shaken her world. No one had ever done that before and Sandra didn’t know what to think. We were just kids, right? Now I’m a grown woman. Kid’s do all kinds of things that don’t count as adults, don’t they?

The more she was around Libby, however, the more old memories rose to the surface. She didn’t miss Sally. They hadn’t seen each other in years. They’d stayed close friends throughout grade school and junior high. But they went to separate high schools and drifted apart. It occurred to Sandra that it wasn’t Sally that she missed. It was the closeness they had shared as friends. A closeness that she hadn’t had since, until three years ago when Libby showed up at her door, returning Sandra’s stray dog who’d Libby had just narrowly missed hitting with her car. They chatted for a bit that afternoon and found that they had a lot in common. Before long, a friendship blossomed that both cherished.

“Sandra? You okay? I’m sorry. Sometimes I don’t know when to stop teasing.” Once again, Sandra’s hand was fingering the game piece and Libby continued to stare off into space, focusing only on her memories. Libby reached across the table and took Sandra’s hand in her own. Still, Sandra didn’t speak. Libby got up from her place on the couch and crouched down on the floor, and put her arms around her sullen friend.

She tightened her hold on Sandra and rocked back and forth with her. Libby stiffened for a few seconds, then she returned the embrace. Finally she whispered, “Sally kissed me that day. We were just kids playing a game. It happened that one time and never again. But I remember it and how it made me feel.”

“It’s okay, Sandra.” Libby buried her face in Sandra’s neck as they held each other.

Sandra pulled back and gazed intently into Libby’s face. “No, it’s not okay. It can’t be.”

Libby ran her hands down Sandra’s back, trying to soothe her friend. She pulled her close to her body despite Sandra’s attempt to pull away again.

Finally, Libby pulled away, leaving her arms loosely around Libby’s frame. “Sure, it is. Why wouldn’t be?”

Sandra dropped her gaze and in barely a whisper, she admitted, “Because I want to do it again.”

“What,” Libby asked, “Kiss a girl?”

“Yes.” Sandra started to draw completely away and tried to stand up. “I have to leave.”

Libby reluctantly relinquished her hold on her friend. Sandra said, “I’ll call you later, okay? I mean, if you still want me to.” She gathered her things and started for the door.

Before Sandra could reach the front door, Libby was on her feet. She stood stock still and said nothing for a moment. Libby took one last look at her before turning the doorknob and opening the door.

Suddenly, Libby went into motion and her hand was on Sandra’s arm. She tugged on Sandra and tried to turn her around.

Sandra’s head hung down and she studied the floor, while she waited for whatever reaction her revelation would cause Libby to have.

Now Libby’s hand was on her shoulder. Then it was caressing her cheek. “Sandra, you’re not the only one.”

“Hunh?”

“I said you’re not the only one.”

“You mean, you’ve kissed a girl, too?”

Libby smiled and shook her head. “No. but I want to.”

Then she did.